Please, let me fuck your mom
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
