good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
