Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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