Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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