mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
