I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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