So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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