peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
