You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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