1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
