If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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