My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
