The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
