On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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