Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
