Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize