and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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