It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
