I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
