I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
