You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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