i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was like eating out sand paper
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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