Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
