thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
