he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
