Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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