I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize