Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
