They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize