yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
