oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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