i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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