she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
