I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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