I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
