The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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