she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
