last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is wine microwaveable?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
