i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
