my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
