Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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