I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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