So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
