Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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