I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
