phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you made out with another girl for some wings
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
