dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
