12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
