my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He felt like a one man threesome
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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