so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
