Barsexuality is the new black.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
