I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
