Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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