Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
