i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize