i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Randomize
