why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
