Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
