The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
