just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
