Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize