You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
