I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
