it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize