guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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