i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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