ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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