Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
