you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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