you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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