where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is not my ceiling
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
